Pish posh, take me back to childhood bliss. Life continues to get more and more complicated and really I'm not even at mortgages and kids with chicken pox yet. Sometimes I wish I was still little and stupid, when I didn't notice how wrecked the world is and how terrible people always seem to be. I'm not talking the "guys are such jerks" or "people are always bitchin' about meh", I'm meaning the knowledge that many people are deep down rancid. Actually poison. But for one reason or another they are trapped in your life, whether because you love them or have to or because they are so tied up in your life. The people who boil your blood, who make you scream in your mind and cry in the shower. Why some people take pleasure in other people's pain has always been something that disturbs me. I guess some can be put down to human nature, we are fundamentally designed to want to prevail and be the survivor but there's some nasty shit going on around the place that can't be excused just by biology. Personal responsibility would be the answer but that's futile because they were born ruined. A constant cycle of pain will litter the world behind them.
OKAY GUYS. Sorry for the rant but it's something about the World that has always baffled and confused me. No matter where I am what I'm doing I seem to stumble apon the rancid, they are everywhere I guess. Don't get me wrong there's plenty of wonderful, trustworthy people out there but they seem to get out weighed by the bad at times (go away pesky melancholy). Procrastination from study has led me with too much time to think (stew) along with three dark and deep novels that I'm triple teaming depending on my mood. The Virgin Suicides, Bell Jar and The River Orphelia. Three books no psychologist would ever suggest reading together, but oh well. Each is about young women trying to cope with the pit falls and struggles of their lives, from adolescent angst, self hatred to the dangers of being in love with someone more than with yourself. In their own way all tragically beautiful.
I always found the most powerful things in literature, the lines light up from the pages and stick in my mind promoting deep thought. Here are some I found in the dangerous 3.
I woke up alarmed.
I didn't know where I was at first just that I woke up in your arms.
And almost immediately I felt sorry.
Cos I didn't think this would happen again
with or without my best intentions.
(The beginning passage from The River Ophelia)
Her sunflower eyes fixed on the predicament
of her life we would never understand.
(The Virgin Suicides)
The silence depressed me.
It wasn't the silence of silence.
It was my own silence.
(Bell Jar)
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